I’m not going to try to sell you any miracle cures. The truth is: there isn’t one. That doesn’t mean there’s no hope, though!
I was diagnosed with OCD when I was 13, but on reflection I can see the symptoms stretching right back to at least 5 years old. I also have Tourette Syndrome (among other things), which I have read means chances are my obsessions are much more violent – and this is definitely the case.
I tried medications when I was 13-17, but they just made things worse for me. I know everyone is different and reacts in a variety of ways to these drugs, but from all the people I’ve spoken to and all the books I’ve read…to quote The Verve, ‘the drugs don’t work’. Perhaps for a minority of people they have effect – and I truly am glad for them. OCD is no easy thing to deal with. For the rest of us, the drug route can be painful and frustrating.
And for those of you who DO find help with medication, I would strongly urge you to try CBT anyway. Use the drugs as a way of giving you the strength you need to start learning how to fight this battle – and perhaps one day you’ll be able to wean yourself off the medication and deal with these issues all on your own.
In recent years I have been known to tell people off if they try to offer me encouragement about some of my conditions. I once told my husband I thought he ought to be prepared for the very real possibility that one day he may need to care for me quite a lot, because I may be quite crippled from my Tourette’s in old age. He said he didn’t want me to think that negatively, and I understand where he was coming from. I’m sure it was upsetting to hear me speak that way. But I explained to him that I didn’t want the empty optimism anymore. I had reached a point in life where I felt (and still feel, regarding Tourette’s at least) it’s best I just start accepting my lot and learning how to deal with it.
In short: the emotional rollercoaster of ‘yes, perhaps this at last will work’ and ‘it didn’t work, nothing works, why oh why is this my life?’ had worn me down.
But I DID receive help for the OCD! I went through a year of Cognitive-Behavioural Therapy when I was 17, after I’d quit the last of the drugs. I took the techniques taught to me by my therapist and put them into practise over the years. Now, 10 years later, these skills have become second nature to me. Perhaps I can’t conquer every problem that afflicts me…but who in the world can?? The important thing is: I regained control over this element of my life – and that has been enough to keep me going forward.
In the next blog, I will teach you how to apply CBT in your own life – so be sure to subscribe to our feed!
Vrinda Pendred
Editor & Founder of Conditional Publications
Click below to order Check Mates, the first ever collection of fiction poetry and artwork about OCD
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