What’s more is that the books on the subject would have you believe Autism is something that only affects children – but what happens to these children when they grow up?  Do they somehow grow out of it?  Or do they just get forgotten?

As a child, I was very socially ‘difficult’.  In fact, the word ‘difficult’ was attached to me so many times that I grew to resent it.  It implied I was being stubborn and willful, when in fact I just could not help the way I was at the time – indeed, I couldn’t understand why what I was doing was so wrong.  As far as I was concerned, all I was doing was being myself.

I felt uncomfortable with friends, and yet I hated the loneliness this brought.  The truth is I am an intensely social creature, but as a child, the social expectations were lost on me, I never seemed to do the ‘right’ thing and people were frighteningly unpredictable.  I preferred to imagine they were with me, in my own private time, where I could control what they said, like a script with actors.  That way, no one could shock or hurt me.

I also developed a great passion for reading, where I would sink into the stories, fall in love with the characters, or even become the characters and erase myself from existence.  I often found it confusing being in real life social situations because it felt like the people around me had no idea what a remarkable adventurous little girl I really was…inside, in my head.

I loved routine.   If things went contrary to the plans I had mentally and emotionally prepped myself for, I felt so anxious I was prone to fits.  I would grow desperately unhappy, cry, scream, all because my parents had decided we needed to wait until the following day to go do something I was expecting to do now.  And I couldn’t explain to anyone why it left me in such a state of panic, which only served to panic me more.

In school, I could not stop talking, could not ‘behave’, could not focus on anything that didn’t particularly interest me, could not, could not, could not….

What could I do?

I was passionate about the things that excited me.  Sure, they were often strange things, like my obsession with sharks, or black holes (at the age of 6), or the etymology of the English language (or any language, for that matter).  I felt great pleasure in working out the Quadratic Equation in Algebra class.  I loved working out detective stories.  I practised singing along with my favourite songs constantly until I could perfectly mimic all intonation and improvisation.  I never ran out of things to say, even if it was about strange esoteric subjects.  I knew everything there was to know about the Pet Shop Boys.  I could recite the entirety of Disney’s Aladdin and Hocus Pocus for you without the films playing.  I could speed-read, getting through a book or two a day, all year long.  I could always entertain myself, without the need for outside stimulus or company.  I had high ethical standards, which led to a great sense of loyalty toward those I loved.

The point is: some of it was a little crazy (and in fact still is).  But some of it has been – dare I say it? – useful.

If not for my stubborn perserverence, I wouldn’t be here starting this website or this company.  Check Mates would not exist.  If not for my loyalty and constant chatter, I wouldn’t have managed to make all these remarkable friends I’ve accumulated over the years, without whom the book could not have been made.  Without my love for reading, again, the book would not be published.  Without my tendancy to sink inside myself, I would never have become a writer.

And that’s just me.  I have since learned to integrate myself into the world – learned to ‘fake it until I made it’, studying and imitating those I meet until I blend in more.  I have reached a point in life where I am happily married, a mother, working a stable job that I enjoy and I have many great friends.  I believe my stubbornness is exactly what brought me to this place – because there are all too many people out there who came from the same position I did and have not been so lucky.

They have been too singled out in school, assimilated the abuse and the negative labels and accepted that they are outsiders.  They have struggled in school systems built for people who just don’t think like them.

Because that’s all Autism really is, in its so-called ‘higher-functioning’ form.  It’s a different brain type, a different way of thinking.  We learn differently, we require more routine and preparation, we need information to be delivered to us with some relevance to our natural passions in life, we need more focus  and patience – but then, aren’t there plenty of people out there without Autism who are the same way?

Over the years I have heard people claim that Autism is ‘brain damage’, perhaps caused by some problem in childbirth, or the result of an abusive or neglectful childhood upbringing – that it is a disability.  Yes, sometimes it is.  But for the rest of us, I strongly believe that all we need is the encouragement to unlock our natural potential.  We are brilliant creatures with talent and imagination and intelligence, just like anyone else in the world.  When we’re given half a chance, just watch how far we fly.

To put things into perspective, I always believed others were just like me, until I read Temple Grandin’s Thinking in Pictures, where she detailed what it was like to be Autistic, stating repeatedly that ‘the general public do not think this way’.  I found myself relating to everything she said and asking myself in shock, ‘That’s not how the rest of the world are??’

Perhaps the real key to dealing with the more maleable forms of Autism is to stop trying to force us into typical social conventions and instead try thinking the way we do.  I’ve always found it impossible to imagine what it must be like to think any other way, so I can understand why it would be so hard to understand my way of being.  But it really isn’t so strange if you’re living it.

Those of us who can find ways to function in the world do not have ‘disorders’ that need to be cured with medications.  In such cases, it’s not a ‘mental illness’ or a ‘syndrome’.  It’s an entire personality type.  It’s who I am.  To ask me to take drugs to change it would be like asking me to stop being me.  And frankly, I can think of a long list of people who like me being me – myself at the top of that list!  Why should I have to go against my nature just to fit in?  Why do we find difference so thereatening that we demand conformity, despite the fact that all our great leaders, thinkers and artists have been great because they were so ‘outside’?

To me, this is normal.  So where’s the pill that makes you think like me?

Just something to consider….

Vrinda Pendred

Editor & Founder of Conditional Publications

Don’t forget to get your copy of Check Mates: A Collection of Fiction, Poetry and Artwork about Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, by People with OCD – on Amazon and Amazon Kindle

The article stated that there are many doctors up in arms over the UK’s decision, claiming this law basically says ‘quacks’ are okay.  A conflicting viewpoint was put across that really it ought to be the patient’s choice which sort of treatment they take, either herbal or pharmaceutical.  The article also noted that one such herbal remedy under contention is St John’s Wort, as used in the treatment of depression.

I think the key here is ‘choice’.  Last I checked, the US and UK supposedly invaded the Middle East under the pretense of bringing ‘democracy’, yes?  And I appreciate that a little government intervention is necessary from time to time, but when it comes to our health, shouldn’t it be up to us what we put in our bodies?

Example 1:

Many of my good friends have neurological conditions.  One such friend was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder a couple years ago.  He tried prescribed medications for a while, but they only seemed to make him worse, so he stopped, and started exploring his options.  He struck upon a vitamin regime that did not cure his symptoms, but it did improve things greatly for him.  Unfortunately, by that point so much damage had already been done at his job, due to his condition going undiagnosed for so long and due to his colleagues being small-minded and not accepting / understanding him once the diagnosis was made.  My friend has been severely bullied at work for a long time now, and the abuse built up to a point where he just couldn’t handle it anymore.  He felt so low, he went back to the doctor, and in his vulnerable state, he agreed to try a new prescription.

He went on a course of Sertroline (Zoloft in the States) – something I took myself, many years ago, and which had greatly detrimental affects on my mental health.  In my experience, I was a guinea pig for this ‘miracle drug’, and when things went wrong, the doctors were suddenly uncontactable.  In my friend’s case,  he sank lower and lower over a period of six weeks, until one morning his partner found him slicing open his own wrists.  Thank God my friend does not live alone, else he would have died.  Instead, though, he was rushed to hospital and saved.

One could argue he was depressed anyway, so how can you say this was caused by the drug?  Except my friend has never been suicidal before – and if you look around the internet, you will see there are several class action suits being filed in connection with this and other such drugs due to unprecedented violent acts on the part of patients taking these prescriptions – and when I was taking the drug myself, after sinking into a suicidal state unlike anything I’d ever experienced before (not to mention developing schizophrenic symptoms), I read in the list of side effects contained in the medication box that this ‘anti-depressant’ and ‘anti-anxiety’ tablet could, in fact, cause ‘anxiety’ and ‘suicidal ideation’.

The day before my friend started self-harming, he had gone to see his doctor again and told him how depressed he was feeling since taking the drug.  The doctor’s reply was to increase the dosage!  And might I add that never was there any suggestion to see a psychologist who could help him work through his pain, even alongside the medication.  This, too, has been my own experience: unless I begged for a psychologist and absolutely insisted upon it, it was not given to me.

I’m not saying the drugs don’t work for everyone.  But I have spoken to many fellow diagnosees (if there is such a word!), read many books on these subjects, and have tried a variety of medications myself.  The general consensus seems to be that for some people these medications work – for others, it is helpful to take the drugs on a short-term basis alongside some other form of psychological therapy, so that they feel a boost in spirits and clarity to enable them to focus on the therapy and learn the long-term techniques to help themselves.  For others still (myself included), the drugs do not have any affect on the actual condition, but they do induce a lot of nasty side effects.

Another point to mention is that I believe we focus so much on the diagnosis, we forget about the ‘little’ things, like sleep and diet.  For instance, I have started on a vitamin regime (similar to my friend’s) that has meant at long last, I sleep at night and I wake up refreshed.  This has in no way cured my symptoms – but just getting that sleep has de-stressed my body and mind so much, my symptoms have become much more bearable.  I also tried a year of talking therapy and discovered that much of the pain and volatility within me was due to experience, not the diagnosed conditions themselves.  Through this therapy, much of my frustration and unhappiness was healed.

The point is: it should be our choice.  I don’t know about you, but I do not want to live in a nation governed by people who decide what we’re allowed to put into our bodies in the name of health.  There is a reason these chemical compounds are called ‘drugs’ – they have the potential to be dangerous, depending on who takes them and for how long.

I think people often view doctors as all-knowing, but it’s so important that we step back and remember the human body is not a machine.  You can’t call up Tech Support when something goes wrong, have them run a few diagnostic checks and come out with a foolproof solution.

Example:

Just last year I developed some kind of infection that required antibiotics.  I was given a basic prescription, and within 15 minutes of taking the drug as prescribed, my temperature shot up to 105F, I lost feeling in the right side of my body and my chest started seizing up.  I was in absolute terror.  My husband threw warm wet flannels over me to bring down the temperature, and slowly I came back to health.  We spoke to a nurse who said it was a result of the drug, because apparently you shouldn’t take that particular pill if you have neurological conditions – which no one bothered to check when giving the prescription.  I spoke to a doctor who prescribed a new drug and his response was, ‘There’s nothing wrong with the antibiotic – that should not have happened to you.’  Yes, but it did happen.  But he just kept saying, ‘It shouldn’t have.’

Doctors do not have all the answers, despite how advanced they are.  They particularly do not have all the answers when it comes to the brain.  I would also argue there is a huge issue of spirit involved, when delving into matters of the psyche, i.e. some scientists believe everything is down to chemical reactions, and others believe there’s something more to it, something beyond the body.  There’s no way to prove it either way.

So do I think the UK government has just said it’s okay for ‘quacks’ to practise in our nation?  No.  I believe they just reaffirmed our right to choose – which is just how things should be in a so-called democracy.

I just pray we keep it that way.

Vrinda Pendred

Editor & Founder

]]> http://conditionalpublications.com/2011/02/23/herbal-or-pharmaceutical-your-choice/feed/ 1 http://conditionalpublications.com/2011/01/24/neuro-atypical-we-are-all-x-men/ http://conditionalpublications.com/2011/01/24/neuro-atypical-we-are-all-x-men/#comments Mon, 24 Jan 2011 20:24:37 +0000 http://conditionalpublications.com/?p=444 Okay, who watched X-Men 3: The Last Stand and felt like, in many ways, it was the story of their life?  Not with me?  Let me explain.

In a nutshell: the authorities have discovered a new drug to ‘cure’ the mutants of their ‘abnormalities’.  Mutants queue up in the thousands to receive this ‘cure’, but Magneto does everything in his power to sabotage it.  Magneto believes the mutants are special for their ‘unnatural’ abilities.  He thinks they should revel in their differences.  He takes this view to the extremes, sadly…but each time I’ve watched the film, I couldn’t help thinking how much it was like the struggle of living with a neurological condition.

There are ‘cures’ out there, and they are unarguably a godsend for people who can’t function in life without them…but for those of us who – if properly motivated – could find alternative means of dealing with these conditions…do we need a ‘cure’?  Are we that damaged, or do we just have different types of brains that lead to different thinking styles, different ways of feeling and responding, different abilities (just like everyone in the world, really)?

They called it ‘The Last Stand’ – I know where I stand on these issues, but where do you?

I suppose I’m a bit more like Professor Xavier: I believe in allowing the ‘mutants’ to make up their own minds on this subject, rather than tricking and bludgeoning them into agreeing with my perspective, as Magneto did.  But for what it’s worth, I like to think that there are darker sides to these conditions that we should fight.  It’s wrong to sink into them until they consume us and we lose ourselves.  That is illness.  Some people can’t help falling prey to this illness, because their brains won’t allow it, and I appreciate they need the drugs.

But for the rest of us, perhaps we’re overmedicating – and not just with prescriptions.  Perhaps we spend too much time feeling shameful about our brains being a little bit different, and we forget that all brains are different, that there is no such thing as a normal brain.  Perhaps we forget that our brains have made us who we are, through chemicals, neurons and the life experience they have given to us.  Do we really hate ourselves so much that we’d risk losing our personalities (those drugs are definitely mind-altering – I speak from experience) just to remove symptoms that are often only so bad because others around us don’t accept them?

I have said for years that if the world accepted our differences, we could find a way to live comfortably enough with a vast proportion of our symptoms.  This was the inspiration behind my story The Royal Bank of Scotland.  To add to that story, perhaps in such an acceptant world, we would also feel less afraid to seek help for the symptoms that aren’t so easy to manage, because there would be less stigma involved.

What do you think? Vrinda Pendred Editor & Founder

The Royal Bank of Scotland can be found in Check Mates: A Collection of Fiction, Poetry & Artwork about Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, by People with OCD, available on Amazon in paperback and Kindle.

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