I don’t have any recollection of a life free from the grasps of OCD.  I was diagnosed when I was 9 years old, just entering the 4th grade.  I’ve had several various obsessions and a few compulsions, but the one that started it all and still remains the most constant to this day is obsessing about getting sick with  stomach flu or flu and worrying I amalready sick.  I feel as if a large bulk of my childhood was taken from me because OCD affected everything I did and thought.  Every day was a huge struggle to go to school, and I cried and pleaded every morning with my parents to let me stay home because I thought I was already sick and didn’t want to vomit at school, or I was afraid I was going to get sick.

It has robbed so much of my life and affected many friendships.  I’ve been on over a dozen medications since then (about 16 years now) and have been in therapy as well.  Not only do I struggle with OCD, but I have also been diagnosed with Major Depression, Generalized Anxiety Disorder and possibly a couple others that have caused me to be in several in-patient and out-patient programs and hopsitals within the last 6 years.

I wish I could be more positive and uplifting, and tell you the struggle will eventually end and  it only gets better as time goes on, but I can’t and I won’t.  Realistically, I believe it’s something I’m always going to struggle with greatly.  I believe the symptoms will wax and wane throughout life, but always remain a constant in my life.  A lot of days, I wonder how I made it so far or how I’m going to make it through the rest of my life like this, and the only semi-uplifting thing I can tell you is…somehow, I always seem to make it through the day, and all I can do is pray and hope for a brighter tomorrow.

READ MORE  'Check Mates' / OCD Virtual Blog Tour - Stops 6 & 7

Jennifer Abrams, author of ‘Hope in Darkness’ and ‘Indentations’, featured in Check Mates: A Collection of Fiction, Poetry and Artwork about Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, by People with OCD – available on Amazon and Amazon Kindle

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  1. Forever Learning says:

    Hi Jennifer,

    When I read ‘Every day was a huge struggle to go to school, and I cried and pleaded every morning with my parents to let me stay home’ – I thought, YES I did that too. I have never come across another person who has said that – so it was a good surprise to come across your story. I have no re-collection before I was ill – aged 10. For me I was terrified of getting into trouble at school, with teachers. I cried most of the days at school, and also remember crying and crying at home, I was so frightened.

    Since that time I have had problems with OCD. There have been times when the OCD has not been too big a problem for me, and other times when I just have not been able to manage by myself.

    I am now ‘middle-aged’ – what a horrible description! My life has been limited by OCD and other anxieties. However, I do also have some happy memories to look back on. Currently I am having a bad time due to OCD.

    Thank you for sharing your story. I wish for you more better days than bad ones.

  2. admin says:

    Thank you for your comments – I will pass them on to Jennifer.

    I will also say you’re most definitely not alone in having felt that way in school. I personally recall begging my mother to homeschool me, when it came time to apply for high school. It wasn’t purely down to OCD; it was the whole package of neuro problems I was dealing with – and I’d also reached a point where the education style of the schools didn’t match my learning style, and I’d had enough of the ‘cute’ nicknames certain students chose to label me with. My parents refused, though, claiming it was better experience for me to learn to integrate with other kids. Looking back on that decision, I completely agree with them. But it was still incredibly hard, incredibly painful, and I wish now I’d had the benefit of clearer understanding at the time. Perhaps life would have been a bit easier, then.

    This is not actually a sales pitch – I really do believe perhaps you would find some comfort in reading Check Mates, which is out on 11 May on Amazon. It features writing from Jennifer, as well as 19 other contributors including myself. All of us have OCD and all of us are expressing it in different ways. I think you’ll find this theme of struggling with schools and peers is common among people like us – makes you realise you’re not on your own with it, by any means!!

    – Vrinda, Editor and Founder of Conditional Publications

  3. Jennifer says:

    Hi,

    I am glad that you have found that you are not alone! I’m very sorry to hear about your experiences and that your OCD is acting up. Please find comfort in the fact that there will be good days. Hold onto to that when the OCD is overcoming you.

    Hang in there and thank you for responding to my introduction!

    Jennifer

  4. Ronald Stukes says:

    I to suffer from OCD & I was heavily in denial until recently & have been on tons of medications but before they can really help me I stop taking them, hate taking meds but I realize that this is a serious condition & taking medications is what I have to do It’s just hard sometimes when the deviation seems like the norm, good luck

  5. Dan says:

    Jennifer, and any of you if you wish to get into contact and ever talk about our suffering. My MSN messenger name , add in thelastofknights@hotmail.com

    Skype: macsareback

    OCD has ruined my life, it’s a long story but I can tell you all sometime. I don’t know how to share on the site here.

  6. Jennifer says:

    Thank you, Ronald and Dan! It’s great to see fellow sufferers come together and share our stories. If anyone needs to talk, please email me at Jeneva5@yahoo.com

    Thanks,
    Jennifer Abrams

  7. Kelly Nisbett says:

    Hi
    Jennifer , I really can sympathise with you and what you go through on a daily basis . Myself and also my middle son have OCD and high levels of anxiety and also like you have taken medication .

    Both me and my son didn’t think the medication helped long term and had some horrid side effects . Both myself and my son have had CBT and I also do lots of writing on our feelings ,I find this really is a helpful tool .I am sure you would of heard of art therapy and also drama therapy ? I loved reading what you wrote cos at the end you mentioned pray I also pray daily , I wish you all the very best for the future

    yours sincerely kelly